Letting go
by Fleuve d'Etoile
Summary: "I know you are not her, but you are still my sister. Should I let you go back to your own world when all I want is for you to stay by my side forever?" Written using Edo-Mirajane's point of view. Entry for the Fairy Tail Novice Writing Challenge #2. Please R&R!


**Entry for the Fairy Tail Novice Writing Challenge #2 (Angst).**

**Summary: I know you are not her, but you are still my sister. Should I let you go back to your own world when all I want is for you to stay by my side forever?**

Using Edo-Mirajane's point of view, during Lisanna's "journey" in Edolas. I mostly used some hints and details from the manga to develop the story, since we don't know much about her. And because this OS goes through two years and only suggests the events instead of describing them, those who have forgotten about the Edolas arc can refresh their memory reading chapter 199 of the manga (I did so to write this story), if they want to ^^

**Disclaimer: Fairy Tail, Edolas, Lisanna, and Edo-Mirajane all belong to Mashima.**

**I hope you'll enjoy!**

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_**Letting go**_

I open my eyes and there's nothing. I look around, try to find a glimmer, a little something, anything that could make me think I'll survive this. But the endless night took everything. The daylight, the hope. My happiness.

You.

I can't sleep. Maybe it's better this way. Because when I wake up, I will think it didn't happen, and then the truth will hit me – again.

I can't sleep. It's a pity. Because all I want is to close my eyes and be consumed by the night. Why bother trying when there's nothing to see anyway?

I don't want to open my eyes, because yours are closed forever, Lisanna.

X

Lisanna?

_How?_

X

I can't find the words.

X

Today was a lovely day. You were gone for a few hours but it was as if we had several years to make up for. I had never been this happy. The smile on my face wouldn't seem to fade away.

So why didn't yours feel real?

X

You are different. I look at you a lot – I want to remember everything about you, and more than that, I want to make sure you won't disappear again – and whenever we talk, you are the same as before – my sweet, sweet little sister. But the gleam in your eyes is now hidden by a veil of sadness. What happened to you?

I know we are still close, I know you are my sister, but as much as you want to spend time with us, you seem to push our kindness away without realizing it.

Should I ask you what is wrong, when even your sad eyes seem to be longing for loneliness?

X

I shouldn't have doubted you. You are the same – just growing up.

X

A few months have passed since it happened. It has now become a – very – hurtful memory everybody wants to forget, and most of us have managed to. Of course, I still wake up in the middle of the night and check on you, but I've been working on it. And there's also the threat represented by the Kingdom, something all of us have our minds into, so rather than protecting one member of my family, I have to protect our home. That's how life goes back to normal and action replaces fear. That's how I almost forgot about my worries.

Until Elfman asked me a certain question.

At first, I didn't want to hear it. We are in danger, and we have lost some members, so those who are still there should stick together and focus on fighting instead of questioning our bonds – because all that matter are the lives of our loved ones. Then, why would he ask something like that?

_Don't you think Lisanna doesn't feel real?_

I know he said it in an innocent way, but I also feel he has thought about it for a long time. He genuinely worries about you, and I tried to reassure him but as if to echo his question, my answer didn't feel real as well. Because as soon as he mentioned your name, I glanced around but didn't find you. I didn't think you had disappeared again. I didn't think you were crying on your own. I knew you were still there, somewhere, not far away. But I also knew you were alone. And the other Lisanna wouldn't choose loneliness. The other Lisanna would have barged in, wiping away the worried looks on our faces.

_Are you the other Lisanna?_

X

The bond is the same, but the person is not. What should I do when I feel like my love might be directed to someone who longs for something else? Why do you look so guilty when I say I am glad to have my sister with me? And yet, I know your feelings for us are there. But there has been that thought in the back of my mind. Something ridiculous, something amazingly stupid, that feels so wrong and yet so true.

The feeling you are not her.

It's the first time I've put words on that uneasiness. Because I don't ever want to risk anything that could bring back the nightmare, when you were not with us anymore. But you already seem so far away, I don't even know if I should try.

And now, I can't stop thinking something is out of place. The worst part is that I know you're our sister – the smile full of affection you give us everyday shows how much you care – but you wouldn't accept our love like you used to.

Do you really belong here?

X

You cringed when I tried to protect you from the enemy. It was not that different from the other times, but as soon as I saw you stepping back from me, I couldn't help but take a look at Elfman. When I did, he was not looking at you, nor at the opponent. He was looking at me. And that secret we had both been keeping within our hearts for so many months was silently revealed.

We didn't say anything afterwards. That was our way of deciding we would never talk to you about it.

X

Two years. It's nearly been two years. Elfman and I decided to be your family no matter what, and lately, you have been closer to us, something that makes me believe you are the same – that is, until I catch you smiling sadly when looking at us.

But why are there two Natsus?

Are there two Lisannas?

X

No. No. I don't care. I want to be selfish. I won't hand you over to him. You are our sister. Our family. Our Lisanna.

You have been crying, I can see it. Does it mean you decided to say goodbye?

If so, to whom?

Please let me cry with you. You'll know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

X

Should I choose your happiness or should I say nothing? You smiled at us when we were fighting alongside with them and for some stupid reason, I felt like we had already won. It was as if I had let you decide and you chose us.

But it was just a smile.

I try to consider them my enemies but whenever I look at them, I see us. And just like us, they went through many hardships. But contrary to us, they didn't get their Lisanna back.

In the end, we didn't either.

X

They are trying to save their guild. It means the other Mirajane is stuck in that giant Lachryma. I can't help but cry for her. We didn't steal you, we are not in the wrong, but if you can make her happy again just like you did for me, maybe your leaving is for the best?

What am I saying? Please stay.

X

Focus. Now is not the time to be thinking about it. The others need me. _You _need me. And I'm sure my Lisanna, the "real" one, wouldn't want me to forget about my friends. The battlefront is the only issue, for now. The rest is up to destiny.

Up to you.

X

It's the first time I've missed _my_ Lisanna.

I was wrong. We belong with you, but you belong with them.

X

You are disappearing, and I can't help but think the hope to see my sister again is vanishing along with you. You're like an angel who rises back to the skies, to where you should be. It's better for you to leave that burning hell down here, after all.

It's all over. Will that overwhelming sadness take me away, will the endless night descend upon my happiness like it was going to two years ago? Will I ever see the light or will the last sparks in my life be the ones surrounding you as you leave for a better place?

_She_ also left for a better place, right? Please tell me she did.

X

Smile, Mirajane, and maybe that fake happiness will be replaced by real hope, someday. Life will never be the same, but I am not alone. Smile, smile for her, for them. It's okay.

I'll smile to make up for the tears streaming down your face as we part, because otherwise, I'll never be able to let go off your hand. Why are you crying? How selfless can you be? Don't be sad for us, little sister. It's gonna be okay. I just hope you'll be able to sleep tonight, in your sister's arms.

I can't help smiling when I think about it.

"Say hello to our Earthland counterparts."

X

Thank you. I managed to see the light again thanks to you. Because even if you were not her, you were you, and that was enough. I never doubted your love for us, that's just how you are. Your sweetness, your kindness were real, I know that. You gave us so much. Now is the time for you to receive.

Be happy, Lisanna. You'll always be my sister, no matter what.

Goodbye.

X

_Earthland, Magnolia. Kaldia Church._

That night, Lisanna Strauss laid a wreath on her own grave. She did so for her, thinking about the other Lisanna. The one she used to be, the one she tried to be. The one who died but who was still, somehow, living with her deep down inside. But she also did it in the name of her family from Edolas, who hadn't had the time to say goodbye.

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**Hello ^^**

First things first, this OS can be considered a prequel to another OS of mine, "Guilty" (angst) and this last paragraph is an extract from that story. It is a (sort of) LisannaxLaxus fanfiction, in which I tried to explore the relationship between those two kids from the guild, at different times of their lives. It mostly takes place after Laxus's return, and it mentions Edo-Mirajane without explicitly showing her since it's set in Earthland, so I wanted to talk about this part of the story and imagine how Edo-Mirajane lived the return of her "sister" and her leaving again.

**Note: "Guilty" was written in French, so if anyone is interested, just let me know and I'll translate it into English as soon as I can!**

Also, this story is my entry for the second Fairy Tail Novice Writing Challenge #2 launched by OrbitingArbiter. The theme was "angst" and it was kinda difficult to write this OS while I'm in a good mood (what's funny is that the first challenge was "fluff" and I was a little depressed at the time, hope I'll be in the right mood for the next one!)

This said, don't forget to review if you liked it, hated it, or if you want to say hi ^^


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